Sunday, June 27, 2021

Divorce Rates Doubled During Pandemic

 The problem today is the development of anger between couples during the pandemic’s confinement period led the divorce rate to double, according to one San Francisco divorce attorney. As time passed and the sequestering continued with no escape from the house, the anger boiled and turned to resentment. Over time, the relationship continued to deteriorate and it became irreconcilable.

Couples can use a portion of the art of forgiveness to resolve these explosive feelings. This is a method of healing that Carolyn CJ Jones created after she, herself, transformed from an angry, resentful, bitter, blaming victim for more than thirty years, to one who forgave. From that, she became able to live in a state of gratitude and positivity, at peace and free. Here are the three steps you can take to deal with anger and resentment so you, too, can find peace and freedom in your relationships, and save your marriage:

First, develop the skill of looking inward when angry. Resist the urge to blame or find fault. Instead, become curious about your own feelings beneath the anger. Focus on yourself. Look with curiosity, not blame or shame. Write down your responses as you do these exercises, pen to paper instead of typing on a computer; it stimulates the brain to produce deep feelings. From this, your healing time is lessened. And, if you write with your non-dominant hand, all sorts of deep feelings will come up. Printing is the easiest.

Second, learn how to identify the feeling under the anger. This may include hurt, disappointment, shame, humiliation, worthlessness, loss or threat of loss, grief, and/or fear. Without wallowing or getting dragged down, allow the feeling to pass through your body. Acknowledge it. Try not to ignore it or stuff it down. Only when you shine the light of day on your resentments can they heal and offer you peace. Use caution in your use of alcohol and drugs while you do these exercises; try to refrain while you write, as it skews what you are feeling and thinking. It slows down, and may prevent, your healing journey and attainment of peace.

Third, determine the wound under the feeling just identified. Once you recognize the wound, heal it by showering yourself with compassion, care, and loving-kindness. When you get to the point that you find gratitude in the remembering of your experience, you become able to forgive yourself. Peace and freedom are the rewards.

A retired registered nurse of twenty-seven years, CJ now heals others’ souls by teaching them how to forgive. As a transformational speaker, forgiveness coach, multi-award-winning author, and college instructor, her healing method has saved marriages. She does her healing by providing a chart - a map - to guide people on a journey to resolve anger before it becomes a resentment. For more information about CJ, her books, and coaching as well as speaking services, go to There you find her bestselling book, "Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing," a silver medal winner for world peace. You also find her international bestseller and honorable mention in the “How To” category, "The Art of Forgiveness: A Promise of Peace."

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